Love Defined

Love Defined

Courtesy Fat Pony a.k.a Archana 'Archie' Kumar

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 |

I hate talking about my feelings.
I hate talking about my 'relationship'.
I know I'm a chick and chicks are supposed to be all emotional, but I'm not. I don't like it one bit. I particularly don't like asking a guy where the relationship is going or how he feels about me. Ew. It should be natural and easy and obvious.

So I guess if I have to start thinking and planning and devising all sorts of ways to find out what kind of situation I'm in, I'm probably not in that good a situation. Shit.

But wait. Starting a new relationship is terrifying. We are all old enough to have experienced or witnessed that triage of broken romance. We know that if there has been a beginning to a relationship, there has been (if we are still out there dating) an end to the relationship. And the endings always suck.

So of course people, women included, will create all sorts of tricks and diversions and distractions to try to not notice that we might in fact be getting into a relationship. That just seems like a very crafty and understandable aspect to human nature. So what if in the beginning or a while into it, it's a little vague? Who wants to be that crazy girl who needs to know exactly what is going on the minute she meets a guy? You want to be the cool girl - the girl who knows how to hang out and not be all demanding. That's who I always wanted to be. That's who I always was.

The thing about that cool girl is that she still gets her feelings hurt. She still has reactions to how she's being treated. She still hopes he'll call, wonders when she'll get to see him again, and if he's excited about being with her. I hate that.

Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older. But now I don't want to be 'sort of dating' someone. I don't want to be 'kinda hanging out' with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I WANT to be involved. I WANT to be with someone I know I'll see again because they have already demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable - and into me!

Sure, in the beginning you have to be somewhat cautious about how much you give away. But that caution shouldn't be to make them feel more comfortable; it should be because you know that you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful and discerning about who gets your affection.

That's what I'm doing right now.
And it's not going so badly.


Bianca said...

I LOVE it Archie...


Anonymous said...

Archie I dont know and never may you but your blog makes sense and to see sensible people still in this world is a blessing of great proportions....Yup Love is a boat many have sailed and drowned in but its what we as humans require to be needed maybe a formidable excuse but its one reality no 1 person can say he/she hasnt go through....We live our lives to be needful to the ones who care about us and are very needy of the same from them....We define a break-up is when two people dont care about each other anymore or either one strays from his/her commitment.....many take this commitment/relationships as a joke but they never know what they have lost till the tides turn agaist them.....Now call it friendship or love is your choice but to have a feeling deep inside of wanting to spend your life with a person who wants his/her life with you is a tresure to be distributed in this hopless world...Where the size of your bodily appendages judges who your supposed to get along with or the pieces of paper that once were used to ease trade is now used to buy/show momentary affection!!! We as humans have changed alot but to meet people who still think like you is truly an Honor!!!

Bianca said...

Hey Nevlac

The blogs mine and Archie is a friend of mine, who gave me this excerpt from a book! She is one of a kind:)


Fat Pony said...

Beloved B,

I'm so flattered that you chose to share this with people. I hope it helps them see the light, as it did for me.

nevlaC. You seem like someone who is totally aware of their surroundings. Good on you! I wish you the very best. :)

I love you, B!


Anonymous said...

Well!! The statement made was worth a comment and I wish u the best to Archie and Biance my real name is spelt backwards!!! Please join some other blogs i've created!!

Bianca said...


Thank YOU!

Loads of love,

Ruchika said...

love it archie...its everythin i am feeling at this very moment..I just sent longggggggggg senti texts to my ex...also my closest friend now..about how hurt i have been and how much i cud love and give love and now...I m just hurt..I am cautious..I will not give it all away..

I loved the way i much love
I will never close my eyes and let it all engulf all

and yur post just reasoned with me..!!!

i dont know if i want to be involved or not..i am also kinda gettin into a relationship and yes i m trying to not notice it..and everything tat you said...
this post just lightened me up a lill..

<3 thank you

Bianca said...

Dear Ruchi,

We're glad we could be of service.

Loads and loads more of love,

Fat Pony said...

I can see how your blog makes such a difference in peoples lives. I'm so proud. :)
Love to you, always.

Live everyday in the moment, and you'll never regret it. I assure you this.

Good luck & love!

Bianca said...

Thank you Arch :)

Hugs and Kisses and Loads of Love,